first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Randomize
