Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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