Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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