I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
