Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
