After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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