There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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