You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
