i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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