At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
