so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
