and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
