watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
