I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
