If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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