just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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