we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
