someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
