who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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