is your mom at the bar?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
