After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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