I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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