Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
