who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i think i have two assholes
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
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