Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
