Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
