hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
