I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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