Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
