just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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