Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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