I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
