meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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