yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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