we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
