I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I am one with the molecules
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
