Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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