He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I can't put those talents on a resume
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
