i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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