Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
