I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
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