Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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