Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.