AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.