Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.