The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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