We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
