I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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