I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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