i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
