Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
How's work?
Spinning.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
