If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
