I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm like, not good at living.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
