The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
