You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
