Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I supernannyed him into submission
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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