what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
she peed on how many people?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Im part way to drunk.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
