Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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