I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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