I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
