look no pants
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
