What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
