R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
