btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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