We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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