you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Even the bartender felt bad for me
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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