So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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