Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just found a bag of teeth...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
