I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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